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Shining Evenstar

Parody

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Welcome to the Parody page! Everything here in all in good fun. However, if something here offends, please let me know and I will remove it. Enjoy!

You Know You've Had Too Much LotR When...

- You can recite the books word for word.
- You can recite the movies word for word.
- Your ambition is to be an eye wreathed in flame.
- You wear a sword in public and claim to be Aragorn son of Arathorn.
- You speak some Elvish (For it has been noted as of late, no one can REALLY speak Elvish fluently)
- You start counting how many axes Gimli goes through.
- Mushrooms mean something to you.
- You can sing every song that has words in it.
- You noticed Galadriel's left ear looks kinda messed up compared to her right in Lothlorien.
- You make a sign that says "Ava Vantai Salquesse" and put it on your front lawn. (Elvish for Keep of the grass.)
- You went to a ring maker and made them craft a duplicate of "The One Ring".
- You also made them put the Elvish inscription on it.
- You've made it a point to eat more bread and claim it's Lembas.
- You wondered how Gimli knew that Aragorn said "Ladders" when he can't understand Elvish.
- You know the birthplaces of the whole cast and their birthdays.
- You've actually role played as Celeborn.
- You actually care enough to learn Eomer's child's name.
- You laugh when you see a Wraith.
- You've considered finding a way to contact Christopher Lee and find out if his hands really bend like that.
- It's your dream to have a Balrog.
- You know how many children Sam had with Rosie and know all of their names.
- You've taken a quiz several times until you had successfully gotten everyone.
- You knew that Galadriel was banned from Valinor until after the Ring was destroyed.
- You're pets are named things like Brandybuck or Took.
- You have both VHS and DVD of the trilogy, plus another set of the Extended versions.
- You called certian objects your precious.
- You talk to trees.
- You keep an accurate count of how many times you've seen each movie.
- You don't really believe Haldir could have got beaten in battle because he's an elf.
- Actually, you don't believe any of the elves die in LOTR for the simple fact they're Elves.
- You write self-inserted fanfics and end up sleeping with at least one of the characters.
- When nervous about something you say, "I think I'll just have another ale," even if you aren't drinking.
- You searched all the toy stores within a thirty mile radius for an action figure that resembles you even slightly so you could have adventures with your LotR figures.
- You have made costumes that look EXACTLY like the whole Fellowships, down to the last stitch.
- You plan to become so rich that you can actually have a Green Dragon of your own.
- And it sells pints.
- You've joined every LotR fan club possible.
- And then made some of your own.
- You own every article of LotR clothing that ever sold. (I mean like one of everything not ALL since that's impossible)
- Someone can say anything and you can relate it to a song, phrase, person, scene, etc. from LotR
- You laugh when you watch Boromir die (and know why it's funny)
- You spend hours trying to sound like Gollum.
- When annoyed with someone you say, "Fool of a Took" and find it to be a damn good insult.
- You've distorted any Christmas song you could find lyrics to and made them into LotR versions.
- When walking through the woods you find yourself saying, "I am Legolas prince of Mirkwood!" or "I come to speak to Treebeard!"
- You have made a hitlist for people who have made fun of the Elves.
- When telling someone you're going to your room you say, "I'm off to Middle-Earth!" or a place in Middle-Earth (ex. Rohan, Gondor)
- When crawling through kids tunnels or going through an underpass you inform everyone, "Welcome to Moria!"
- You will or already have gotten the Elvish tattoo eight out of the nine Fellowship members have. (and you know who the person is who didn't get it.)
- The animal "Elephant" is non-existant to you.
- You actually know what you Elvish name is.
- You know what your Hobbit name is too.
- You wont respond to people unless they call you by your Elvish/Hobbit name.
- You are angered by the fact the Elvish was translated wrong in the subtitles.
- You're convinced that Gollum is stalking you (or any other LotR character)
- You've been bored enough to reinact the Battle of Helm's Deep with a mass amount of nickels, pennies, and quarters, and making it so Haldir doesn't die.
- You're convinced that the coinds actually represent the races of Middle-Earth.
quarters - Elves
dimes - Hobbits
nickels - Dwarves
pennies - Men
- You've actually fought of mobs of children for the last Elrond action figure.
- You've bought Barbies for the soul pupose of cutting/coloring their hair and making them Elves.
- You're convinced your enemies are spies of Isengaurd or Mordor.
- You have a friend named Sam and you call him "Master Gamgee".
- You have so many LotR names you don't remember your real one.
- You've named inanimate object for the LotR cast/characters (Ex. Couch is Viggo, Computer is Frodo)
- You've considered moving to New Hampshire because "Shire" is within the name.
- You've written books or wanted to write them about things that most can't explain. (ex. in the movie Gandalf and the Balrog fall for like, three hours and end up on TOP of a mountain.)
- You have taped every interview on TV with every cast member.
- You know so much about the cast that even some of your LotR friends think you're a stalker.
- You hear people say things like, "OH MY GOD IT'S BILLY BOYD!" And you whip around and scream ,"WHERE!?" only to get blank stares because you're only hearing things.
- You wondered if you could find Longbottom Leaf around your neighborhood.
- You actually have 2nd breakfast, afternoon tea, etc.
- Your favorite game is Tig.
- You know what Tig is.
- When a plane flies over, you duck down and hide and when your friends give you weird looks you say, "The Nazgul's are headed to Osgiliath!"
- When you win a game, you yell in victory, "OSGILIATH HAS FALLEN!"
- When someone tells you to go look at something you respond with, "What will I see?"
- You wonder why there is always a wind blowing in Lothlorien.
- You and your sister/brother actually dance on tables while singing the Hobbit Drinking song.
- You can't actually SEE the tower or frame around your computer due to the fact there are so many LOTR stickers and pictures on them.
- You are entertained by refreshing the page and listening to the actors introduce themselves on LotR.net.
- When someone says you're cracking or a comment close to it's like, you reply "And proud of it!" (And are obsessed enough to know why it makes sense.)
- You wear the Sting you bought in Toys R Us EVERYWHERE and when someone wakes you up when you'r asleep, you whip it out.
- Your family now has serious injuries from this problem.
- You've bought more clay than your art teacher carries and made the cave troll.
- You actually find Galadriel to be scary in the movies.
- You're using this a s a To-Do list.
- Potatoes have left your vocabulary and are replaced with Taters.
- When going shopping, you go to the electronics division and demand the put in one of the LOTR movies (if it's not playing already) and cry, "I told you they were tricksy! I told you they were false!" When your parents literally drag you away.
- You have strange new phrases you use often. (ex. Oh for the love of Minas Tirith! or Those in tree houses should not burn fire.)
- You have painted your door to look exactly like the door into Moria. (complete with Elvish riddle)
- And they have to really "speak friend" or you wont let them in.
- You consider people who think Sam and Frodo are gay as "newbies."
- When driving by a cornfield you say, "Sam, we're still in the Shire. What could possibly happen?"
- You can recite Sam's speech when they're in Osgiliath.
- When someone offers something to you, you say "I can not deny my heart has greatly desired this."
- You give Galadriel's "In place of a Dark Lord" speech when someone inquires as to what you wish to have as an occupation.
- You try to sacre people with your best impression of a Nazgul scream.
- You sing Bilbo's traveling song on long trips.
- You chant Arwen's water spell when angry with someone. (If you're not yelling "Fool of a Took!")
- When you can't link LotR to something, you say, "Reminds me of Numenor."
- You put your "Ring" on and pick things up saying, "It's moving on it's own! I'm invisble!"
- When someone leaves you say, "You need someone with intelligence on this sort of Mission...quest...thing!"
- You get disappointed when no one says "That rules you out."
- You've played a drinking game that involves having a drink whenever someone says "The Ring."
- You've started finishing off Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
- When something exciting happens you exclaim, "That's what I'm Tolkien about!"
- You've made up an orc sing-a-long.
- You've captured a spider and named it Shelob.
- You've considered on more than one occasion of convincing your acting teacher to do the play this year on LotR.
- And it's the whole trilogy.
- You rewrote the movie script, adding the charatcers that Jackson cut out.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star LOTR Style

Twinkle, Twinkle Elven star,
Show me where the hell we are.
Lost in Mordor way up high.
If we're lucky we wont die.
Twinkle, Twinkle Elven star,
Show me where the hell we are.

12 Days of Christmas LOTR Style

On the first day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, one ring to rule them all.
On the second day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.
On the third day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.
On the fourth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.
On the fifth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.
On the sixth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.
On the seventh day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.
On the eighth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor, and one ring to rule them all.
On the nineth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, nine Fellowship members, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.
On the tenth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, ten of Gandalf's fireworks, nine Fellowship members, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.
On the eleventh day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, eleven gems from Moria, ten of Gandalf's fireworks, nine Fellowship members, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor, and one ring to rule them all.
On the twelfth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, Twelve Elves of Lorien, eleven gems from Moria, ten of Gandalf's fireworks, nine Fellowship members, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.

 
 

   

   

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The light of the Evenstar does not wax or wane. It is mine to give to whom I wil...
Like my heart.